Hi there. I’m dealing with a somewhat specific issue and would love some feedback, since it’s hard to talk about in real life.
Basically, I struggle with depression, and a certain vulnerability of mine is becoming quite apparent in my relationships.
I also have a sort of existential void that makes everything feel really draining.
My main outlet for this is music, specifically playing the piano.
But given my social struggles and the difficulties I face in daily life, playing ends up drawing everyone’s attention back to those issues, so playing becomes a reminder of the negative.
My path to liberation ends up serving as proof to others that they need to be careful around me, or, when there’s a misunderstanding, that their negative impressions of me were right all along.
I could just not give a damn and play alone in my own corner, but I really want to commit to this, and it feels like a waste not to do anything with it.
It’s frustrating not being able to move forward in life with this part of myself.
1